250+ Funny History Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Step into the past with a smile – explore our history puns. Clever wordplay that makes learning history a delightful journey.

Welcome, history lovers and pun fans! Welcome to “History Puns”, where you’ll discover an irreverent world full of humor, laughs and lots of historical humor! At History Puns we make learning fun; unravel stories of history while finding “Puns about History” sure to tickle your funny bone!
History Puns is more than a collection of jokes; it is an interactive tribute to some of history’s great events and notable people with its own humorous touch! Our aim is to lighten up your day while stimulating curiosity about past happenings!
No matter your favorite historical topic – ancient civilizations, medieval knights or modern history – you will find humor tailored just for you in “History Puns.” With knowledge combined with laughter in one great mix. Prepare to enjoy an exciting adventure through time all while laughing out loud at its many puns about history that await you along the way!
Welcome back to “History Puns”, we hope that you find these amusing titbits from yesteryear enjoyable and amusing! Get ready for an exceptional experience that’ll have you smiling, thinking, laughing and maybe even gasping at our clever plays on words – prepare yourself for an exhilarating ride through history’s corridors of pun-tastic fun!

Read More: Academic jokes and one-liners

Funny History Puns

History Puns
  • “I am completely not a spy!” insists no real spy ever.
  • “Let me introduce to my noble mount.” Squier observed: “Looks like someone with integrity who stands firm against any challenges to his honour.”
  • “Though I did not win the race, but made Mark Antony my hero!”
  • Abraham Lincoln loved art. Even at his death in a theatre!
  • Alexander the Great Cussing!, King of Macedon, had quite the reputation.
  • Ancient Egyptians revered cats. And we still revere them today!
  • Ancient oracles were highly suspicious – constantly sniffing around for prophecies!
  • Are we seeing another Pharaoh emerge on the scene?
  • Are You Copying Alexander? As it would appear that you have been following my strategies.
  • Are You Walking like an Egyptian! was King Tut’s Favorite Tune
  • As everyone knows, Louis XVI fell headlong!
  • Attractive Egyptian sun god Ra, who was truly an exceptional individual! Here’s to him being remembered fondly!
  • Aztecs did not ignite the fire; rather it has always been burning since earth has been turning.
  • Caesar Salad may well have invented salad, and even today many credit him as having done just that!
  • Captain Cook may have discovered Australia, but you cannot deny his culinary prowess.
  • Christopher Columbus was an amazing individual; he believed the Earth to be round before sailing across its surface!
  • Confucius suggests: Those running ahead of a car become fatigued quickly while those behind it become exhausted quickly.”
  • Copernicus stated, “All things in this Universe revolve around me.”
  • Cotton Short! Cotton was one of the short-lived weapons used during Civil War pillow battles!
  • Couldn’t say better myself! One could easily describe the wheel as being an important turning point in human history!
  • Do you remember who was an absolute hit at parties? Attila the Fun!
  • Food for thought! Was Julius Caesar’s salad actually dressed with Caesar dressing? Food for consideration!
  • Gauls were under immense strain as they experienced various celt-ic changes!
  • Genghis Khan was known for being an outspoken critic!
  • George Washington had difficulty telling lies, so he avoided playing poker altogether!
  • Gladiator: “Are You Enjoyed It?” Crowd: “Yes. We wanted some standup comedy!”
  • Gutenberg was disgusted to find out his newly printed bible contained an error.
  • Hammurabi loved The Code of Hammurabi Meatballs! These delicious morsels of goodness were his go-to meal!
  • Have you heard about the First Pasta-Farian Church? Since the Flying Spaghetti Monster incident, members worship spaghetti monsters!
  • Have you heard the story about the monk who counted all the stars? He became one of history’s great figures!
  • Henry VIII would probably find great amusement in participating in reality TV programs called Wife Swap today!
  • Historially speaking, the very first bad comedian was actually an upstanding tragedian!
  • Historians seem to remember every date, yet I still forget my wife’s birthday!
  • How did ancient Greeks send secret messages? By traditional mail.
  • How is Sun Tzu able to never lose at Risk? His strategy paid off! He always strategized carefully!
  • I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high; she seemed taken aback!
  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. To my utter shock and surprise she seemed taken aback and seemed surprised that someone could say such things about them!
  • I wanted to make a punny comment about crusading… But the long journey got in my way of my punchline!
  • I would make an innuendo about the Middle Ages, but its subject is too taboo to make fun of.
  • If Cleopatra existed today, would she reign as queen of “denial” or the queen of d-e-nile?
  • If they served food at the Bastille, it would certainly represent French Revolution-toast!
  • It turns out the very first French fries weren’t created in France – rather, they originated from Greece!
  • Jack the Ripper always managed to have the final laugh!
  • Joan of Arc had an intense passion to serve her nation.
  • Joan of Arc was known for having fiery opinions! You could say her viewpoints were hotter than ever!
  • King Arthur was known to be a knightly person.
  • King Louis XVI understood when his head fell, his world would collapse around him.
  • Knowledge is power; Frances Bacon stands as proof.
  • Life for history teachers has many memories to look back upon and experience first-hand.
  • Louis XVI’s favorite sandwich? A French Dip!
  • Make an impressive statement and show that time doesn’t stand still for anyone! Make a belt from watches instead! It won’t waste yours or anyone’s!
  • Marie Antoinette loved cake so much she lost her head over it.
  • Medieval times were full of hilarious puns.
  • Mona Lisa must have had one of the earliest cases of resting art face!
  • Monet’s prophet of choice? Easel-kiel!
  • Moses may be considered as the pioneer tablet user.
  • Mussolini’s pasta dishes were always captivating!
  • My soles would get sore from working in a shoe recycling shop! It was soul crushing.
  • Nietzsche famously declared, ‘God Is Dead; did he check under his bed for evidence of His demise?
  • People believe Hannibal dragged elephants across the Alps because he couldn’t afford trunk fees!
  • Picasso famously said his last words should have been: ‘Drink to me and drink for my health.” However, it would seem he forgot the liver!
  • Roman civilization fell due to barbarian invasions.
  • Samurais kept their secrets close; that was part of their Bushi-do!
  • The Boston Tea party was an outstanding event!
  • The iron curtain wasn’t an obstruction – just static!
  • The Titanic was considered unsinkable – yet could its sinkability still occur?
  • They say Nero fiddled while Rome burned, yet according to my source he lacked any aptitude for music.
  • Trojan horse was an original gift horse.
  • Vikings were the original rappers. These fierce warriors loved looting and cutting down trees!
  • Vikings with cats were among the original Cata-mariners!
  • Was Otto von Bismarck the best chancellor of Germany?
  • Was Paul Revere truly skilled as a horseman or was it more an act?
  • Was the person responsible for inventing the guillotine ahead of his time or just insane?
  • What about Romans? Roman numerals make perfect sense!
  • What TV show does Nero enjoy watching most? Fiddler on the Roof!
  • What type of lighting did Noah employ on the Ark? Floodlights!
  • What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Ba-na-naa!
  • What was one of Sigmund Freud’s favorite pastries? Eclairs!
  • What were Socrates’ last words? He stated his drink of choice as something other than water: I drank what?
  • Where did Napoleon keep his small armies? In their small corporals.
  • Where do Viking cat souls reside when they pass? In Valhalla!
  • Where would a historian suggest we take our date on their date? Probably to the archives; or where else might they search?
  • Who enjoys ringing the Liberty Bell? The Bell-a-rinas!
  • Why can Cinderella not seem to play soccer well? Because she keeps running away from it!
  • Why did Don Quixote stop attacking windmills? He now fights for renewables!
  • Why did the Knights of the Round Table gain weight? Because their table didn’t feature corners for them to nibble at when snacking between meals.
  • Why did the sun not visit college? After all, it has an abundance of heat!
  • Why did William the Conqueror go bowling? Because he wanted a spare in addition to his strike!
  • Why didn’t Robin Hood attend university? Because he couldn’t decide on his major!
  • Why do communists consume herbal tea instead of regular tea? Because legal tea is considered theft!
  • Why study ancient bones? In order to unlock past mysteries!
  • Why was Karl Marx critical of Earl Grey tea? Because all quality beverages represent theft!
  • Why was Martin Luther King Jr. such an adept chef? Because he dreamed of creating the ideal meal.
  • Why was Pharaoh all wrapped up? He had entered an Egyptian tomb filled with bandages!
  • Why was the river such an incredible chronicler of history? Because it knew exactly where events would unfold!
  • Why wasn’t the archaeologist attending the barbecue party? After all, he knew they’d serve up an “arch-ogical” timeline!
  • Why were the early years of history known as the Dark Ages? Because so many knights roamed freely!
  • Why were the Middle Ages known as the Dark Ages? Due to so many knights!
  • Would the French Revolution count as past-a revolution, since its focus was entirely upon macaronis!
  • Yes, I am an unwavering pacifist; however, my fist often raises in defense!

Read More: Funny Dance Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Funny Puns About History

  • “Guten Appetite” must have been the name of the first book containing German cooking recipes.
  • Alexander Graham Bell famously dropped his invention during one of his stumbles and missed its call, creating what is considered today a dropped call.
  • Alexander the Great was known to excel at invading, yet was terrible at parking his army – never finding an empty spot that hadn’t already been conquered by Alexander himself!
  • Are You Curious about Pharaohs? These Kingly men made history.
  • Are you familiar with the ticking clock? It has recently begun ticking.
  • At the castle, they told me the pizza would come served on a square table but I knew otherwise.
  • Bakers often trade recipes through “knead to know.”
  • Before it’s too late, remember your Aphrodite!
  • Before The Reformation began in Germany, “Martin Luther belongs to us!” was its rallying cry.
  • Caesar salad stands as proof that Roman empire salads remain among the finest ever seen in history.
  • Christopher Columbus possessed an expert understanding of geography.
  • Christopher Columbus sailed across the ocean blue in 1492 with an intention of reaching India via GPS but ultimately had no luck getting there.
  • Civil War or siblings fighting over inheritance?
  • Communism jokes only work if everybody understands them.
  • Do not follow Pangea and drift apart from me!
  • Do you know what makes numbers odd? Every other number ever created!
  • Don’t put too much faith into atoms – they make up everything around us!
  • During the Middle Ages was an ideal time and place for opening a chainmail store: demand was intense!
  • Early birds get the worm, while latecomers secure themselves the last slice of Black Death plague.
  • Everyone knows the ancient Greeks were master sculptors!
  • February March? No way! But April May June and July look promising.
  • Founding Fathers? More like Founding Punsters…?
  • Genghis Khan preferred dark-roasted coffee for his pleasure and enjoyment.
  • Have you heard the tale about the short-sighted Viking? He couldn’t see the fjord.
  • Have you tried making jokes about the Big Bang? Attempts can often fail miserably!
  • Henry VIII was so self-centered he took six wives for himself without offering one to anyone else.
  • History can teach us one important thing, which is that historians need to stop giving so many lessons.
  • History Jokes tell themselves; all that’s needed are historians for proper interpretation.
  • History may repeat itself, yet I often forget what had already taken place the first time around.
  • History may seem dull now, but just wait! Soon it will all become history again!
  • How did America, discovered in 1493, manage to enter its 90’s? Simply because no one understood its potential until 500 AD.
  • How do historians do their laundry? With tide and centuries.
  • How is Benjamin Franklin responsible for inventing electricity but didn’t invent electric bills?
  • I can make a funny joke about China’s Great Wall, but you might find yourself still laughing about it later.
  • I used to own an ancient Egyptian hatchet; it belonged to Cleopatra herself!
  • I wish I could make an amusing comment about medieval history, but its subject is too serious for that.
  • I wish I could tell you an amusing chemistry joke, but they all involve Argon.
  • I worked at a calendar factory but got fired because of taking one day off work.
  • I would’ve told you a joke about infinity, but it never ends.
  • Iron Age technology was so advanced, they knew wrinkles would arise sooner rather than later.
  • Isaac Newton got hit with an apple from gravity’s playfulness; rather than taking any serious consideration into account when making this claim.
  • King Midas had the golden touch, yet his embraces could sometimes prove too metal for comfort.
  • King Tut was arrested because he could no longer keep his tomb quiet.
  • Know what’s revolutionary? Quicksand.
  • Let us all spare a thought for the man who attempted to tell a joke inside an ancient Egyptian tomb. Let us pause in silent tribute for him.
  • Make sure that any drinks brought into a Viking setting are always kept secure; they have an affinity for plunder.
  • Middle Ages have often been described as Dark Ages due to an excess of knights.
  • Moses challenged Pharaoh with an appeal known as an in-de-Nile. Pharaoh did not respond accordingly and Moses used this term against him as an insult.
  • My joke on time travel fell flat with you.
  • My nose keeps diving into an anti-gravity book! Can’t put it down.
  • My passion for history cannot be erased like an eraser-less pencil.
  • Napoleon nicknamed Russia “Napo’Leaving.”
  • Not into history? Well, let it stay there where it belongs: in the past.
  • Past, Present and Future entered a bar. There, tension rose quickly.
  • People hail the invention of the wheel as revolutionary. After all, that’s how we roll.
  • Promise that there won’t be any puns made about the French Revolution; I won’t lose my head over this subject either!
  • Puns will never lose their punderful charm! Times may change, but puns remain delightful!
  • Recently I read an engaging novel about Mount Everest; its events leave no room for doubt or suspense! It left my breathless.
  • Robespierre’s fall was swift, much like his policies.
  • Rome is under attack! The A-side wins!
  • Rome wasn’t built overnight – except itself! Rome itself was constructed within 24 hours!
  • Samurais were known for having terrible handwriting as they would frequently lose their temper when writing.
  • Shakespeare was unrivaled at writing punny jokes and went for broke with Titus Andronicus by going straight for the throat.
  • Sir Elton John would make an ideal singer to sing during King Arthur’s celebration! Being knightly himself, Elton embodies everything King Arthur desires!
  • Sparta’s military training regimen was so challenging it almost resulted in deaths!
  • The Bronze Age was highly competitive. No stone went unturned.
  • The French Revolution was quite an uprising!
  • The pyramids were an amazing feat of engineering – their only failing being that there weren’t any bathrooms!
  • The Pyramids were like misbehaving children – they couldn’t keep themselves under control!
  • Time passes quickly like an arrow; fruit flies like bananas.
  • Time travel serves primarily to correct autocorrect.
  • To understand the Middle Ages you must adopt a Feudal mindset.
  • War of 1812 may well have been the result of Independence Party activity of 1776.
  • What did Byzantine Emperor bring to a potluck dinner? A delicious Caesar salad!
  • What did the Vikings call their drink recipes? Scandi-lit!
  • What do we call someone involved with communism who uses weapons as part of his/her arsenal? A Marxman.
  • What do you call an impressive dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • What was Henry VIII like as a dancer? Well, there were definitely lots of break ups!
  • When encountering an iceberg, The Titanic should have employed its icebreakers immediately and prevented it from chilling her passengers! No chill!
  • Where was King Arthur’s favorite place in London? Knight-bridge.
  • Which famous leader enjoyed baking? A-till-the-hun.
  • Who was history’s biggest thief? Time itself; always taking from us what’s ours.
  • Who was King Arthur’s roundest knight at his table? Sir Cumference.
  • Why couldn’t people play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
  • Why did education seem easier for cave people? Because there was no history to study.
  • Why did Lenin have a secret garden? Because he was developing into an avid communist.
  • Why did Pharaoh visit his dentist? Egypt needed his teeth extracted.
  • Why did Plato opt for interior painting instead of drawing lines when decorating his house? Because it would prove less controversial!
  • Why did Romans build straight roads? So that their soldiers wouldn’t go around bends unknowingly.
  • Why did the knight decline to fight the dragon? Because he wanted nothing to do with medieval times and would prefer not to get involved.
  • Why did the secret agent go to the Ancient History Museum? He wanted to meet some intelligentsia.
  • Why didn’t Persians play hide and seek with Greeks? Because when you have Spartans on your team it would be near impossible to hide!
  • Why don’t historians use ad blockers? Because they appreciate pop-up ads.
  • Why was an Egyptian boy concerned? His daddy was an embalmer – or more accurately mummy!
  • Why was Hitler’s barbecue such an epic fail? Because he couldn’t stop burning the Franks!
  • Why were all those at the royal mint so wealthy? Because they made tons of cents!
  • Why wouldn’t the sun go to school? After all, its temperatures had reached millions!
  • William the Conqueror had an affinity for sweet treats, hence why he obtained the Do-normandy.
  • Working at a castle was hard work – I found myself often receiving knighthood!
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Read More: Funny French Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Best History Jokes And Puns

  • Archaeologists were adept at discovering humorous material for stand-up performances and are frequently adept at writing good jokes themselves.
  • How can you comfort someone obsessed with ancient ruins? Provide them with some structure.
  • How can you console someone obsessed with ancient ruins? Give them some structure.
  • How can you soothe someone enamored of ancient relics? Give them some structure.
  • How can you throw an unforgettable history party? Simply allow time travel!
  • How did a historian remain calm? By keeping things in historical perspective.
  • How did a historian stay calm? By keeping things in historical perspective.
  • How did an ancient mathematician propose? With a rhombus ring.
  • How did ancient Greek mathematicians part ways with their partners? With square roots.
  • How did ancient Greeks cut their hair? Using scissor.
  • How did Ancient Greeks prepare food? With Aristotle.
  • How did ancient mathematician’s celebrate their great feats of maths and sciences? With an epic Greek party! It must have been truly unforgettable!
  • How did ancient philosophers communicate? Through an interpersonal, platoni-nic relationship.
  • How did ancient Romans use scissor for hair cutting? A pair of scissor was their tool of choice.
  • How did Egypt’s Pharaohs manage their finances? Through pyramid schemes.
  • How did Renaissance artists express their affection? By painting it out.
  • How did Vikings communicate over long distances? Through Norse code.
  • What can you call an old snowman? Water.
  • What did a medieval knight tell his squire in response to their accusations against them? -I will always do my best for you.”
  • What did ancient Egyptians typically reply when receiving compliments? “Nile, I’m blushing!”
  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they simply waved.
  • What did Socrates, an ancient philosopher of Ancient Greece have to say about life? “Socrates said so!”
  • What did the ancient philosopher Socrates suggest about life? “Socrates said so!”
  • What did the historian tell the time traveler? “You are far ahead of your time!”
  • What did the history teacher tell his student who procrastinated? ‘You cannot escape your destiny!”
  • What did the medieval knight promise his squire? “I won’t ever let you down!
  • What do you call fake noodles? An impasta.
  • What do you call fake noodles? Impasta.
  • What kind of event excites historians the most? A celebration from their past.
  • What kind of party would make historians most delighted? An event from their past.
  • What movie would a time traveler recommend watching? Obviously “Back to the Future.”
  • What party game do time travelers typically like playing? Backgammon.
  • What snack are travelers’ favorites when time traveling? In any era! My personal opinion: Pringles!
  • What type of bread would a historian prefer? Ancient grains.
  • What type of humor appeals most to historians? Wit-ory!
  • What was ancient Egyptians’ favorite game? Pharaoh Monopoly!
  • What would an ancient farmer say about agriculture? “My life has been one of hard labor.
  • Why did a historical figure visit the beach? In order to surf some nostalgic waves of nostalgia.
  • Why did a historical figure visit therapy? Too much baggage from their past lives needs addressing.
  • Why did a history book seek therapy? Because of too many issues.
  • Why did a medieval knight go for therapy? Because his heart had too much armor covering it.
  • Why did a Roman politician turn comedian? He had an aptitude for Roman-tic humor.
  • Why did a time traveler become a chef? Because they knew exactly how to spice things up across historical eras.
  • Why did an ancient doctor become a musician? Because he possessed an outstanding bedside lute.
  • Why did an ancient Greek sculptor turn to comedy? Because he had an amazing knack for turning lifeless statues into laughable works of art.
  • Why did an ancient Greek sculptor turn to comedy? Because they had a talent for creating humorous statues from stone faces.
  • Why did an ancient king seek psychotherapy? Too many crowning achievements.
  • Why did an archaeologist become a chef? Because he enjoyed researching history.
  • Why did an archaeologist become a stand-up comedian? Their knack for discovering amusing jokes contributed to this move.
  • Why did an important historical figure seek therapy? Too many issues from their past lives continue to haunt them and require resolution.
  • Why did ancient philosophers choose to part ways with each other? Because their relationship was under constant Socratic scrutiny.
  • Why did cavemen paint on cave walls? Because it was an opportunity for genius.
  • Why did history books always win at poker? Because their formidable poker face provided ample cover-up.
  • Why did history teachers like telling funny jokes during lessons? To make learning about history more entertaining.
  • Why did my history teacher always bring a pencil? In order to draw conclusions.
  • Why did my history teacher always carry a ladder with them? So they could reach high points.
  • Why did my history teacher always crack jokes during class? To make history more entertaining.
  • Why did people love living during the Stone Age? Simply because it was amazing.
  • Why did the archaeologist decide to part ways with his/her partner? After all, both were always unearthing historical details.
  • Why did the caveman receive an award? His achievements prehistoric were outstanding.
  • Why did the historical figure travel to the beach? In order to absorb some memories.
  • Why did the history book fall away from geography book? They could not find common ground.
  • Why did the history professor bring pencils with her every class? So that students could draw conclusions.
  • Why did the mother attend therapy? She had too many issues to be dealt with at once.
  • Why did the Roman politician turn gardener? In order to expand his political career.
  • Why did the scarecrow become such an accomplished historian? He excelled in his field.
  • Why did the Stone Age couple separate? Their relationship had too many obstacles.
  • Why did the Stone Age rank so highly? Because it was such an exciting epoch.
  • Why did time travelers always carry maps with them when visiting other centuries? So they could navigate their way safely across time periods.
  • Why did time travellers become gardeners? In order to sow seeds of time.
  • Why was a medieval knight so adept at math? Because he had many knight-ions.
  • Why was the math book dissatisfactory in history class? Because of too many issues.
  • Why was the medieval chef fired? Too many nights with undercooked dishes.
  • Why were medieval knights adept at math? Probably due to having many “knightions.”

Read More: Funny Calculus Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Final Words

History Puns and Jokes Collection. Our History Joke Archive. Although history often depicts tragedies as frightening episodes in time, its more humorous aspects also offer us opportunities for laughter – so please enjoy unraveling its tale while laughing along! And until our timelines cross again on their hunt for yet more hilarious History Puns remember that every century once served as an unwrapping present ready for future generations to enjoy it and stay historical!

Read More:

Hey, I am Chetan Kumar owner of Punss.com. I made this site to add humor to your life. I love to laugh and I am pretty sure you do too. So let's share some jokes, puns and funny nicknames. Let's make each second joyful.

x