100 Funny New Year’s Day Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Start the new year with laughter! Discover the best New Year puns to make your year bright. Get ready to smile!

Start laughing into with our fun selection of New Year Puns that will have you laughing into next year. Add an element of humor to your New Year’s jokes or simply lighten the atmosphere at any celebration with these one-liners from New Year’s Day Puns that promise an amusing beginning this year. Whether it be clever quips you’re after or simply seeking some funny lines for family and friends to share, our collection promises an amusing start to next year; find punny puns sure to spread holiday joy!

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Funny New Year Puns

  • How can you know whether it is too cold outside for New Year’s Eve celebrations? Simply by going outside and feeling how frigidly cold it is.
  • My friend advised that I not look back as that road had long since passed – perhaps in reference to last year.
  • My New Year’s diet plan had me off track by five days!
  • Why was the pudding feeling down on New Year’s Day? Because it couldn’t “backtrack” its past experiences and rectify itself.
  • At this New Year, remember: Friends can sometimes be considered enemies who just haven’t found ways to hurt you yet.
  • My goal for next year is to fulfill the promises made in previous years and complete all my goals set for this year, especially given what has transpired so far this year.
  • Ever tried giving medicine to an injured bird? It can be tough without proper instructions!
  • I hope to spend this New Year being as useful as lasagna.
  • I recently began cloud watching – something I can easily envision doing.
  • My New Years resolutions included 6 things. So now I am six-pack ready!
  • I decided this year, rather than try to compete, to host my own New Year’s party myself and cater the catering. If you can’t compete, eat them.
  • Fear of calendars should not deter anyone, it’s simply part of entering into the new year!
  • At first I planned on giving up all of my bad habits this New Year; then it dawned upon me: no one enjoys someone who quits too easily.
  • What exactly is a New Year’s resolution? A joke whose expiry is set for January 2, 2017.
  • Beginning my New Year off right is key! Where’s my champagne bottle?
  • Celebrated New Year’s at an explosive time-travel party; so much fun that we had two counts of New Years celebration!
  • My New Year’s Resolution was to save water; to do this I started drinking champagne instead of sodas or beer.
  • Why couldn’t the ghost celebrate a happy New Year? Because its spirit had taken control.
  • Why did New Year go back to school? For an education! A “YEAR-DUCATION!”
  • Why didn’t two worms take apples into Noah’s Ark? Because everyone had to enter through “pears.”
  • Why don’t some people make New Year’s resolutions? Because they feel as if everything in their lives is already perfect.
  • Bartenders need not keep things “bottled up”. Instead, open up and express yourself freely!
  • “After watching this final episode of Friends, I will make a commitment to stop procrastinating and be more proactive.
  • Have you heard about the New Year’s Eve party held at a zoo? It was truly animal themed!
  • My New Year’s Resolution was such an entertaining prank! Even on Day Two it was killing me!
  • I guess time truly does heal all wounds – in this instance from last year and this.
  • I couldn’t believe my eyes when I realized I’d consumed an entire “Happy New Year” sign – just too full from all this holiday “cheer”.
  • To have an effective New Year’s Resolution, one needs a “2020 vision.”
  • My brothers made a resolution to focus on their careers; but, I suspect, what they really meant was “their car rear.”
  • What became of the Irishman who contemplated drinking at New Year? Rather than continue his introspection, he gave up.

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Funny New Year Puns And Jokes

  • My goal for 2019 is to break my New Year Resolutions; that way I know something will get accomplished this year!
  • What was wrong with my computer on New Year’s day? It had a “virus” from last year!
  • Every New Year’s Eve I stay up late; not to welcome in the new one but rather make sure the old one has truly left behind.
  • As December draws to a close, I can’t help but celebrate!
  • Why didn’t the bell chime at midnight? Because it had had enough.
  • I am dating an exclamation mark this year! And am so looking forward to it.
  • Why shouldn’t you put off until tomorrow what can be accomplished today? Because, if it works well today and tomorrow comes along again – doing something once is always better than procrastinating!
  • Turns out my resolution for 2016 was simply 1080p.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to stop giving myself false hopes when it comes to lifestyle changes.
  • Looking forward to another year full of excuses not to take action on any task I need done.
  • Launch into 2018 right by rising early! Awake and face life’s challenges head-on by setting an excellent example.
  • My only resolution this New Year is to switch TV channels.
  • Staying awake to see in 2019 wasn’t about just welcoming it in; rather it was to ensure its departure.
  • Why did Santa take time off after New Year’s? He needed to catch his breath!
  • I told my friend this would be his year, but there seems to have been an “early” confusion.
  • New Year, new opportunities: I intend on writing 365 short stories this year; the cliffhangers may still appear throughout.
  • An excessive celebration of New Years may make one aged. Don’t fret though; everything happens gradually.
  • My goal this New Year is to recreate my life as an interesting comedy show.
  • New Year’s Eve can both cause and relieve hangovers.
  • My goal this year was to stop talking to myself; unfortunately, it seems I can’t quite handle this challenge just yet.
  • Why did the Jack-in-the-box wish everyone a Happy New Year? He simply meant well!
  • Lost my gym membership but they said they’ll help me look for it in January.
  • I don’t make cookies every New Year’s, but when I do they come with an expiration date.
  • Resolutions made at New Year are usually broken by midyear.
  • My abs were just too shy for anyone else’s comfort – they had been hiding for quite some time!
  • If your birthday falls on September, chances are your parents started off the year in style!
  • New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more cheerfully without encouraging them to waste more of my time.
  • On New Year’s Eve is the only occasion when passing cold gas can bring joyous smiles from me!
  • Every New Year I find myself asking: where have my keys gone?
  • Unbeknownst to me, your resolution was to make mine fail!

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Funny New Year Puns And One-Liners

  • Time certainly flies by quickly when you are having fun – especially as we begin another year!
  • I’ve taken to making New Year’s resolutions more approachable this year by breaking them up into small, manageable steps – like the chocolate treats on this platter in front of me!
  • Are You Prepared for 2019? Just ensure it doesn’t coincide with a leap year!
  • Learn sign language this year; it could come in very useful!
  • Since I last saw you last year! Let alone since we last spoke! I missed you greatly since that day when we met!
  • New Year’s day at the library is always an amazing celebration! Come for some lit-erary fun this New Year!
  • Why shouldn’t You Iron 4-Leaf Clover? Simply because doing so could ruin your chances.
  • My brother set himself an ambitious New Year’s Resolution of reading more, and his wife made no exceptions: she took away his TV remote control as punishment.
  • Would a cat-owned business celebrate an “extra-purr-sperous” New Year?
  • I think I might become a baker this year; after all, I knead dough to earn it!
  • Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year’s Eve? Because 8, 9, 7, 9.
  • Here’s an HD New Year joke to start you off on 2019.
  • A lumberjack celebrated New Year’s on a log, hoping that its crackle and bang would create the ultimate boisterous New Year celebration!
  • Why don’t astronomers make New Year resolutions? After all, they always seem to come out ahead!
  • My New Year’s Resolution was to become superstitious; unfortunately I heard that was bad luck.
  • So if a cat had its own calendar, would all years start off “meow?”
  • How should one tell someone they didn’t see at New Year’s Eve that you haven’t seen since last December 31? Tell them: Hello thereI haven’t seen you for an entire year!
  • What defines a New Year’s Resolution? Anything which starts off well but ends in failure within months or years.
  • On New Year’s Eve, one clock told another clock, “Just seconds away before it will be time for us all to celebrate!”
  • I made it my mission to shed pounds – and was successful! Not only have I personally lost an enormous amount, but society also benefitted immensely.
  • My New Year’s Resolution was to get into shape, which my friend laughed about before offering his advice: Round is indeed a shape!
  • At midnight this New Year’s, I spent the night sleeping on an inflatable mattress. At least it didn’t fail me!
  • So I resolved to start this year off fresh…only for it all to fall apart quickly after.
  • The New Year’s Parade was surreal – more floats could fit inside an actual root-beer factory!
  • At midnight, the magazine became obsolete and out-of-time.

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Best Puns About New Year

  • My New Year’s Resolution was to avoid time travel jokes; let’s see how that goes this year!
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to break my New Year’s resolutions; that way I am successful at something.
  • My New Year’s Resolution was to read more, so I turned on subtitles on my television set and began my quest.
  • Last year’s resolution was to shed 20 pounds; only 30 remain!
  • My dog had somehow managed to devour my Scrabble tiles around New Year’s and now keeps spelling out random messages around the house!
  • Whoever coined the phrase, “New Year’s Resolution”, likely was an owner of a gym.
  • My goal this year is to purchase a six-pack. Just have to find an adequate beer store.
  • I may drop the ball… Don’t worry though…it will land safely in Times Square!
  • As part of my resolutions, I promised myself I’d attend more regularly to the gym; unfortunately it seems as though we both have different workout plans in mind!
  • What festival would a horse enjoy most? New Year’s Eve.
  • Do you believe if Spiderman were an actual calendar, he’d feature “web years?”
  • My resolution for 2017 was to adopt healthier eating habits, but one cookie came along and foiled that plan!
  • Already broken my New Year’s resolution not to break any New Year’s Resolutions!
  • Why was an elephant wearing green sneaker’s? Because he wanted to start the New Year off right!
  • No matter the resolutions made this year, fat will always remain my preferred margin of error.
  • Every New Year’s Eve, my excitement leads me to water my plants more than necessary.
  • My friend resolved to abandon all his bad habits for good this year; yet it appears as though he is persisting with this goal.
  • My motto for 2019: Treat every day as though it were my last, with regards to procrastinating.
  • On New Year’s Eve, you would have given birth twice; nothing else had come into being before this eventful day!
  • New Year’s Eve marks one of the few times each year where people dance and rejoice over a fresh year coming into effect.
  • On New Year’s, I asked my date to meet me at the gym; unfortunately she never showed. So far it looks like we won’t “workout together”.
  • What can we call an iPhone that wakes people up on January 1st? A New Year Revive-al.
  • On a mission of celebrating new beginnings, my toast came out exactly the same as last year from my toaster.
  • As someone born 365 days ago, 2018 certainly seemed like it spanned 365 days!
  • As part of my New Year’s resolutions, I plan on starting fishing – although this might not be such an excellent plan!

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Best New Year Jokes

  • My New Year’s Resolution list typically starts off with my desire to shed 10 to 3,000 pounds by March 1.
  • My New Year’s Resolution was to finish everything that is left undone; to date I’ve completed two bags of chips and one chocolate cake!
  • On New Year’s Eve I intend to celebrate as if everything were on sale for just $19.99!
  • On New Year’s Eve, when I switched on my lights I found someone had broken in but when it came time for midnight the New Year had already come!
  • At my New Year’s resolution to go sober, I celebrated two years without drinking in dog years! Now it is two years sober – as opposed to human years!
  • Young boy asked his dad whether spiders in France perform the can-can dance.
  • What did the farmer give his wife as New Year’s gifts? Hogs and kisses.
  • Thought I would turn a new leaf this year; but instead ended up falling.
  • Resolution for 2018? To stop procrastinating. I think tomorrow might be an appropriate start date!
  • What do you call a cat on New Year’s Day? A Fe-line Good Factor.
  • The New Year’s Eve party was so dull, even the year was eager to end it all and move onto 2019.
  • Why was my computer cold after New Year’s Eve despite leaving its windows open all year long?
  • Father replied in the negative but asked what son thought it could be called. Immediately the youngster replied in the affirmative; canne-canne may well apply!
  • Do old years ever morph back into new years?
  • I saved some champagne from New Year’s Eve and think now is an appropriate time to offer up a toast in its honor.
  • My New Year’s Resolution was to get in shape, so I selected round as my target shape.
  • Celebrated the New Year at a gardening club; it was truly delightful!
  • My wife made her resolution this year to begin running on a treadmill – now, she can eat chocolate while walking at the same time!
  • Decided to shed pounds this New Year by setting fire to my fat kid.
  • Why did the calendar look forward to the New Year so eagerly? Because each date offered an opportunity!

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Best New Year Day One-Liners

  • Now is the time for resolution-making bread rolls!
  • My New Year resolution involves following a whiskey diet; three days are already off!
  • Resolves are written in pen because I find ways of dismantling them almost instantly!
  • Why did my phone seek therapy following New Year’s? Because it had too many hangups from last year.
  • I plan to hire someone as my hit man when the time comes for me to stop drinking on New Year’s Eve.
  • Living a meaningful life means every day is like New Year’s.
  • My New Year’s Resolution is to stop carrying over issues to next year.
  • Never make predictions for a New Year; 2020 can only reveal its outcomes!
  • Every New Year’s, I party as though it were 1599…only to contract Bubonic Plague and die soon afterwards.
  • Have you heard about the New Year’s celebration where one person exchanged his car for a trumpet to start 2019 in style? He wanted his New Year off on an important note!
  • “While I wouldn’t consider myself to be an extreme hoarder, I do enjoy keeping everything from every year that has gone by in my life.”
  • If a path appears devoid of obstacles, chances are it won’t lead anywhere useful.
  • My friend made it their New Year’s resolution to stop drinking alcohol; unfortunately he’d already fallen back into drinking habits so quickly he forgot.
  • My plan is to open up a gym called Resolutions which will transition into a bar after three weeks into the New Year.
  • An optimist might stay awake until midnight to welcome in the New Year; on the other hand, pessimists stay up late so as to ensure the old year disappears as swiftly as possible.
  • My New Year’s Resolution was to be more optimistic; unfortunately it may prove challenging at times.
  • My resolution for 2019: Enjoy every second you spend wasting.
  • My fear of speed bumps has slowly decreased over the years; may this year treat all drivers more gently!
  • Why did the busy bee so enthusiastically celebrate New Year’s with so much gusto? Because 2018 had been such an outstanding “buzz year”.
  • “My resolution for 2018 is to become more assertive. Does that sound reasonable to all?”
  • Why did the doughnut maker close shop after New Year’s? People had finally had enough with his “hole sum business”.

Final Word

As we close out this blog post full of New Year puns and jokes, we hope our selection of humorous New Year’s Day one-liners and jokes have left you in stitches of laughter! Whatever new year brings your way, keep smiling bright and laugh louder – let us help keep laughter ringing through every day to bring plenty of humor and happiness – the smiley calendar pages promise lots more laughter ahead! Until our next fun post arrives – keep spreading joyous laugher with us all the while wishing Happy New Years to all our readers! Happy New Years to all!

Hey, I am Chetan Kumar owner of Punss.com. I made this site to add humor to your life. I love to laugh and I am pretty sure you do too. So let's share some jokes, puns and funny nicknames. Let's make each second joyful.