100+ Lawyer Puns: Jokes And One-Liners

Get ready to flip with laughter as you explore the best lawyer puns and jokes. From legal humor to law school jokes, this collection has it all!

Are You Prepared for a Crime of Laughter? Here at Lawyer Puns we have just the remedy! Let our hilarious defense come out swinging – they are sure to provide plenty of laughter! From Law Students, Legal Professionals or simply someone with an amusing sense of humor; these puns are bound to put a smile on your face!

Lawyer puns have become a favorite pastime among those in the legal field, from courtroom to law library. Imagine this: a table full of lawyers exchanging amusing one-liners that could even make even the toughest judge smile; phrases such as, “I’m a sue-perb lawyer!” or, “You can’t handle the tooth!” seamlessly combine legal terminology with comedy gold for unforgettable laughter-inducing jokes!

But these lawyer puns aren’t exclusive to legal minds–anyone can appreciate their clever wordplay and amusing twists that make these jokes fun and amusing! From quick laughs at work or parties to entertaining small talk, attorney puns have you covered for quick laughs anytime of year!

So if you’re ready for an entertaining journey through the law world, come with us as we present some of the funniest lawyer puns, jokes and one-liners ever seen in law practice! Prepare to laugh as we provide a collection of jokes that are so funny they make you exclaim, “Objection! These puns are too hilarious!”

Read More: Funny Job Jokes And One-Liners

Funny Lawyer Puns

Lawyer Puns
  • Why did the lawyer go bankrupt? After losing their appeal, they couldn’t pay their legal expenses and lost everything in terms of financial stability.
  • Why don’t lawyers go skydiving? Because they fear losing their briefs.
  • What did the judge declare after witness passed gas in courtroom? Odor! Odor in my court!
  • Why did a lawyer turn musician? Simply to become an “at the bar” attorney!
  • What is the difference between the law firm and the circus? In a circus, clowns do not charge patrons per hour.
  • Why do judges fear listening to cross-examinations? Because it gives them test anxiety.
  • How did a law student achieve such great grades in his course? By carefully considering his flaws.
  • Why don’t lawyers take vacation? Because they want to ensure they give off an accurate impression in court!
  • Why did the lawyer bring in a ladder to the courtroom? In order to reach the Supreme Court ruling!
  • Why did the lawyer bring a ruler with them? Because they wanted to demonstrate they understood the case they were taking on.
  • How does an attorney sleep? Usually they begin by lying on one side before transitioning onto their opposite.
  • How do lawyers like their eggs? Legally sunny-side up!
  • What would you call 1,000 lawyers lying at the bottom of the sea? An incredible beginning.
  • What do you call an attorney who does not own a Ferrari? Law-abiding.
  • What are barristers’ secrets they do to make sure they make them smell nice? The judge mint.
  • Why was the law student dissuaded from sleeping on a park bench? A bench warrant had been issued against him.
  • Why did the lawyer take up gardening? In an attempt to raise the standard.
  • What distinguishes an excellent and good lawyer? An exceptional one knows both laws and judges!
  • Why did the lawyer refuse to play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
  • What term would describe an attorney who does not pursue ambulances? A pedestrian.

Read More: Judge Puns And Jokes

Best Lawyers Puns And Jokes

  • What animal represents lawyers best? A litigator!
  • What did the judge use to balance out Lizard’s arguments? Justice “scales.”
  • Why did a lawyer bring their briefcase with them to the zoo? Because they wanted to file an animal abuse suit!
  • Judge Andrew J. Carnes gave two consecutive sentences of imprisonment to those found responsible of crimes committing two consecutive offenses.
  • What’s the difference between porcupine as opposed to what’s the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz full of lawyers? The porcupine is prickly around its exterior.
  • Why did a lawyer become a gardener? In order to plant some seeds of justice!
  • How does a lawyer make their living? By stirring up trouble!
  • Why are lawyers such great chefs? Because they understand how to argue their points with flair!
  • What term describes an attorney who no longer takes emergency calls? Retired.
  • What do English teachers and judges share in common? Both issue short and lengthy sentences to individuals.
  • Why does having an intimate relationship between lawyers and clients constitute unethical practice? To prevent people from being charged twice for services already received.
  • A divorce law student decided to name their new law firm “Null and Void”.
  • What are lawyers’ responsibilities following their death? They just lie there.
  • How many lawyer puns is too many? Don’t fret: there’s no such tort!
  • What tree does a lawyer love the most? A sue-calyptus!
  • Why didn’t the poorly dressed law student pass the bar exam? His appearance likely prevented his success in passing it.
  • Why did the lawyer wear a white shirt to trial? Because they hoped to present an impressive case!
  • What is the most loved food of a lawyer? Just-ice.
  • Did you know they’ve just launched a new Barbie doll dubbed “Divorced Barbie”? The doll comes with the majority of Ken’s items and also alimony.
  • What do we call an attorney gone bad? An antisocial jurisdiction.

Short lawyer puns dirtyLawyers Jokes

  • Why do lawyers make such excellent comedians? Because they know exactly how to deliver an eye-popping joke!
  • What is the reason there aren’t any Irish lawyers? The bar isn’t a breeze for them.
  • What exercise are lawyers’ favorites? Briefcase curling!
  • Why could not the law student return to his apartment? Because it had not yet been leased.
  • What sets apart lawyers and herds of buffalo from each other? Their legal bills cost more.
  • Who did the lawyer phone his daughter? Sue.
  • Are they lying? Their lips move.
  • What do law students require in order to make any event an overwhelming success? At least two parties.
  • Because of his negligent execution, this lawyer’s client faced death penalty.
  • Why don’t lawyers visit beaches? Cats keep trying to bury them!
  • What is an ethical lawyer? It’s an oxymoron.
  • Why don’t sharks target lawyers? Professional respect.
  • What type of cookie do lawyers enjoy the most? A torte!
  • “See you at Court!” are words most lawyers often hear when parting ways.
  • My friend called an attorney when he noticed his neighbor had left hair all over his property, which resulted in being charged with “tress-passing”. According to court, that neighbor has since been fined and arrested.
  • What is the difference between a lawyer and buffalo? A lawyer is more expensive.
  • Have you heard about the lawyer who tried to sue a baker for emotional distress, alleging he could not obtain his just desserts!? He claimed it would cost too much!
  • What did the lawyer tell the judge at the beach? “I object! This sand is too coarse!”
  • What would you call an attorney who doesn’t pursue clients for business? A great listener.
  • What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Only 1 out of 1,000,000 stands a chance at becoming real individuals.

Funny One-Liners For Lawyers

  • How should lawyers greet one another? “I object… not saying hello!”
  • The reason why the lawyer representing elephants lost his case? It was because the argument he made was irrelephant.
  • What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? His or Her Honor.
  • What is an affable, smiling person attending a bar association’s event? The catering company.
  • What part of a sandwich do lawyers love best? The “appeal” layer!
  • What do lawyers love for dessert? Evidence pudding!
  • What would you name someone with an IQ of 80? Your Honor.
  • What’s the distinction between female lawyers and pitbull? Lipstick.
  • Do you want to know how to make a lawyer laugh? Share something they haven’t heard yet – like an amusing joke they hadn’t come across yet.
  • The reason why the law student appear in the court in a shirt that had no sleeves? He had the right to be naked with arms.
  • How can you captivate a lawyer’s interest? Talk about money.
  • What would you call a lawyer who consistently arrives on time for their appointments? Unusual.
  • Why did the law student wear an unclad shirt to court? Because he felt it was his right to show his arms without covering up?
  • What happens to an attorney’s sleep? He first lies down on one side before he lies onto the other side.
  • What dance move do lawyers love performing? It has to be the “Litigate Shuffle!”
  • What would you call an attorney who engages in game of hide-and-seek with their clients? “Where’s the plaintiff?”
  • Why did the judge declare my horse innocent? He wanted to avoid further accusations being levelled at it.
  • Why don’t lawyers make good DJs? Because they cannot find an interesting case!
  • As children are too young for bar examinations, they will usually not attend.
  • Why did a lawyer bring a ladder with them to court? In order to reach the “higher” courts!

Dirty Lawyer Puns

  • What was the fate of the banker who attended law school? She’s now an entrepreneur.
  • My in-laws ran from police after having an argument, becoming my out-laws as they ran.
  • How do honest lawyers compare to UFOs? They are talked about, however, you don’t see them.
  • Abraham Lincoln didn’t require legal advice because of his vast legal knowledge.
  • Judge the law book by its cover-up rather than by what lies underneath.
  • What do we call lawyers who fail the bar exam? Bartenders.
  • What is the reason lawyers are like nuclear weapons? If one side is using one, the opposing side must acquire one.
  • What is the difference between God and an attorney? God doesn’t believe the title of an attorney.
  • After chickens graduate from law school, they retain the title of legal tender.
  • Why did the judge grant bail to an unlikely penguin suspect who wasn’t an immediate flight risk?
  • How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their pants are on fire due to all their billable hours!
  • One man sued his hotel after losing his luggage; unfortunately, however, his case against them failed.
  • How come lawyers have the same characteristics as nuclear weapons? After they are launched, they can’t be used again.
  • What distinguishes God from lawyers is His understanding that He’s not one.
  • What was the verdict of the judge to the battery member when taking the stand? It’s a felony.
  • What happens when you mix lawyers with demons from hell? Nothing changes.
  • Why was an experienced airline lawyer victorious against an inexperienced law student? His brief was incomplete with arguments supporting her position.
  • How does a lawyer organize his files? Using the case-sensitive method!
  • Lawyer won his brief case of stolen luggage lawsuit in mere hours.
  • Why did a law student fail to show up after paying bail and posting bail? He did not opt for an individual bond guarantee.

Cool Lawyers Puns

  • What is the main difference between the accountant and lawyer? The accountants know that they’re dull.
  • A lawyer had his cow relocated after receiving a mooing violation notice.
  • Why did the law student lose her case? She did not have enough conviction.
  • How many lawyer jokes exist today? Only three. Everything else are real stories!
  • My lawyer friend stole my tux from his wedding and now plans on filing suit against him tomorrow.
  • Why did the judge sentence the defendant to 20 years for breaking a lamp without making good on damages payments? He wasn’t obliged to cover them himself.
  • Over lunch, he worked on Cole’s Law.
  • What’s wrong with lawyer jokes? They don’t believe they’re funny and neither does person else believes they’re jokes.
  • After winning his trial, an attorney stopped by a local restaurant for drinks afterward. When prompted, “What can I get you with your whiskey?,” just-ice was his reply.
  • What genre is favorite music among lawyers? Class-actionical!
  • What’s the difference between excellent lawyer and a poor lawyer? An unprofessional lawyer could let the case drag over a period of time. An experienced lawyer will help make the case last longer.
  • What is the difference between lawyers and vampires? The vampire is only blood-sucking during the dark.
  • What was the lawyer’s plan in order to win a conviction for first-degree murder? Begin his trial without cost.
  • What did the judge tell an accused battery when they stood before her in court? She found them guilty as charged.
  • Priests who graduate law school are known as father-in-law.
  • What do you call 10,000 lawyers resting peacefully at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? That would be known as The Great Barrister Reef.
  • What is the reason God created snakes prior to lawyers? to practice.
  • What beverage do lawyers enjoy most when drinking pro-bono punch?
  • “Halt, you are under house arrest!” shouted an officer when arresting this lawyer at a mall.
  • How can you make a lawyer cry? Present them with an excessive bill!

Hey, I am Chetan Kumar owner of Punss.com. I made this site to add humor to your life. I love to laugh and I am pretty sure you do too. So let's share some jokes, puns and funny nicknames. Let's make each second joyful.