250+ Funny Football Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Are you searching for some funny football puns? If yes, Then congratulations you are in the right place. Cause below we have some football puns.

Huddle in folks! It’s the time of the season where the only thing that’s waited upon more than the sound of the whistle, are, you guessed it right, football puns! Are you ready to split your sides over the riotous football puns that are assuredly much more entertaining than a goalless draw? Our collection is a perfect blend of wit and humor, meticulously crafted for football enthusiasts. It’s going to be a thoroughly engaging ride down the humor lane, picking spot-on puns that would even make a referee blow his whistle in amusement. So lace up your funny boots and let’s take an epic run through the entertaining world of football puns.

Funniest Football Puns

Football Puns
  1. What’s a ghost’s favourite position in football? Ghoul-keeper of course!
  2. Why don’t football players go to the bakery? Because they can’t handle the rolls!
  3. Why did the football player bring string to the game? Just in case he needed to tie the score!
  4. Why don’t football teams eat cereal? They’re afraid of getting caught in a crunch!
  5. Why didn’t the football team go to the bakery? They couldn’t have their cake and beat it too!
  6. What do you call a lineman who just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless… because he just lost his tackle!
  7. Why do football players avoid drinking before a game? It’s hard to play football on a roll.
  8. How do football players stay cool during games? By standing near the fans!
  9. I once knew a football player who was an artist… He could really draw a foul!
  10. Why do soccer players do well in school? they know how to use their heads well!
  11. Why do football players go to the party together? Cause they need a good pass!
  12. Why did the football go to the bank? To get his quarterback!
  13. When is a football player like a judge? When he sits on the bench!
  14. Why are football stadiums always cool? There’s a lot of fans!
  15. How do footballers say goodbye? They wave a penalty flag!
  16. What do you call a lineman’s kid? Chip off the old blocker!
  17. Why can’t a football player’s car play music? Because it can’t find the right key to kick off!
  18. Why did the football take a nap? For some rest and relaxation before kickoff!
  19. What happens when a football gets too hot? It gets a fever and can’t play anymore.
  20. What do you call a running back who can’t run straight? A zig-zag, drag-and-bag player!
  21. Why do footballers always think they are flying during playoffs? Because it’s a soaring experience!
  22. What’s a football’s favourite pick-up line? “Are you free? Cause I’ve got a good catch!”
  23. What’s a football player’s least favourite kind of tea? Fumble tea!
  24. Why did the running back go to the bakery? He heard they were good at kneading dough!
  25. How do overworked football players relax? By having a bit of downtime!
  26. Why do footballers not make good chefs? Because they lose their temper in the heat of the game!
  27. When is a football player like a Sherlock Holmes? When he’s defending the backfield!
  28. What do you call a football player who collects butterflies? A fullback catcher!
  29. How does a football player cut his hair? He punts it!
  30. Why don’t football players make good dancers? They always get a false start!
  31. Why don’t footballers go to bakeries? Because they can’t stand the rolls!
  32. When do football players go to a tea party? When they fancy a bunt!
  33. What do you call a football team’s dessert? Novelty icing on the cake!
  34. Why was the football field jealous of the chessboard? Because it always had knights moving all over!
  35. Why did the football player bring a ladder onto the field? He heard it was a great way to scale up his game!
  36. What did the football say to the shoe? Go ahead, kick me!
  37. Why did the footballer break-up with the ball? He wanted more kicks in the relationship!
  38. How does a footballer yodel? “Goal-le-he-huuu!”
  39. Why do footballers love the theater? Because they get their own act!
  40. Why was the footballer afraid of his cleats? He thought they might spike his drink!
  41. Players become footballers when they realize their goals.
  42. What’s a footballer’s favorite Christmas decoration? The goalie wreath!
  43. How does a footballer get into his house? He uses a goalie key!
  44. Why do football players always have the most comfortable shoes? They use extra supports!
  45. What’s a footballer’s favorite instrument? The penalty drum!
  46. Why was the footballer blushing? Because he saw the goal post naked!
  47. What do footballers add to their coffee? Soccerine for the extra kick!
  48. When did the football team go to the bakery? After they needed a good roll.
  49. Why do footballers prefer cold beverages? Because hot coffee always lets off too much steam!
  50. Why was the footballer getting marriage proposals? Because he was a real catch!

Funny Football One-Liners

  1. Why don’t footballers make good secret agents? They always dribble before they shoot!
  2. Why do football players love baking? Because it’s the yeast they can do!
  3. Why was the football player’s report card all wet? It was below C-level!
  4. What happens when football players go wild? They score off the charts!
  5. What’s a ghost’s favorite soccer position? Ghoul keeper!
  6. Why don’t spiders make good footballers? They take too long to web up their boots!
  7. Why did the footballer make an excellent waiter? He knew how to serve with a twist!
  8. How do football stars stay cool? They hang out near the fans!
  9. Why don’t aliens play football? They might start a war of the worlds every time the whistle blows!
  10. Why did the footballer go broke? He always gave 100% and got nothing in return!
  11. Why are footballers good at roulette? They know how to spin the wheel of fortune!
  12. What’s a footballer’s favorite book? “Great Expectations,” because everybody has them!
  13. If soccer is a game of feet, what’s a game of ears? – eavesdropping!
  14. Why did the footballer take his ball to school? He wanted to get a kick out of education!
  15. Why did the footballer go to the spa? He wanted to “relax”, not “reflex”!
  16. Why do footballers make poor jurors? They can’t handle the cross examination!
  17. How do you compliment a football player? “You sure know how to kick it!”
  18. Why do footballers make great detectives? They always get the boot print right!
  19. What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs? Gracias – he can’t run!
  20. Why did the footballer take a nap during the match? He wanted to dream of the perfect goal!
  21. Why did the footballer bring a map to the game? He wanted to pinpoint his goal!
  22. Why is a footballer like a magician? When they got tricks, they always get a hat!
  23. Why are footballers always well-dressed? They know their cleats and ties!
  24. Why do footballers never use public transport? They’re afraid of dropping the ball!
  25. Why did the football team go to the ballet? They wanted to perfect their twirls!
  26. Why don’t footballers make good farmers? They’re too busy kickin’ it to plow it!
  27. How do you stop a football player from charging? Unplug their credit card!
  28. Why was the footballer bad at math? Because he thought multiplication was a position on the field!
  29. Why do footballers always have a bandaid? They always have a few kicks and bruises!
  30. Why was the footballer so cool? He was always chilling in the net!
  31. How do you compliment a sexy football player? “Man, you got game!”
  32. Why don’t footballers like space travel? Too much gravity for a good kick!
  33. What do you call a footballer who sings? A sockette!
  34. Why don’t footballers make good bank robbers? Too many footprints behind!
  35. Why did the footballer paint himself green? He wanted to look like field!
  36. How do football players stay hydrated? With a little bit of water and goal-ade!
  37. What do football players and bakers have in common? Both need a good mixer!
  38. Why do footballers love ice-cream? They love the scoop and score!
  39. Why did the footballer become an archaeologist? He loves digging up dirt!
  40. Why did the footballer avoid the library? He owed too many book fines!
  41. Why did the footballer go to jail? He couldn’t handle the penalties!
  42. Why don’t footballers make good writers? They can’t get past the final draft!
  43. Why was the footballer scared of the vampire? He heard about the vicious tackle!
  44. Why can’t footballers play basketball? They get confused and try to kick the net!
  45. What do football players do at disco parties? They boot-scoot-boogie!
  46. Why don’t footballers play cricket? They’re afraid of getting bowled over!
  47. What do you call a footballer who can play the violin? A jock of all trades!
  48. Why don’t footballers like shopping? They can’t handle the receipt!
  49. Why did the footballer bring a vacuum to the game? He wanted to clean sweep the match!
  50. Why did the footballer break up with his girlfriend? She was a real winger!

Funny Puns Related To Football

  1. What do you call a footballer with a rubber toe? Roberto!
  2. How do football players like their eggs? Scrambled, just like their opponents!
  3. Why don’t footballers make good chefs? They keep kicking the pots!
  4. Why do footballers love T-Rex jokes? Because they’re a big hit!
  5. Why don’t footballers like to play cards? They can’t handle the suit!
  6. Why don’t footballers play chess? Too many pieces to kick around!
  7. Why don’t footballers make good DJs? They can’t keep the record on play!
  8. Why don’t footballers use calendars? They can’t handle the dates!
  9. Why don’t footballers like escalators? They prefer taking the stairs to new heights!
  10. Why don’t footballers like to garden? They can’t handle the roots!
  11. Why did the footballer ride a horse to the match? He wanted a galloping start!
  12. Why do footballers love to dance? They’ve got the moves and the grooves!
  13. Why did the footballer play golf? He needed to work on his swing!
  14. Why don’t footballers play billiards? They can’t handle the cues!
  15. Why don’t footballers use stethoscopes? They can’t handle the beats!
  16. What do footballers have in common with chefs? Both make excellent catches!
  17. Why did the footballer refuse to play tennis? He was afraid of serving poorly!
  18. Why didn’t the footballer go fishing? He was afraid of hooking his catch!
  19. Why don’t footballers get into politics? Too much kicking and screaming!
  20. Why do footballers always have a plan B? They never want a foul play!
  21. Why don’t footballers make good artists? They can’t handle the fine lines!
  22. Why can’t footballers play baseball? They’re afraid of striking out!
  23. Why did the footballer go to the gym? He wanted to flex his muscles, not his legs!
  24. Why did the footballer refuse to play hockey? He didn’t want to face off!
  25. Why don’t footballers play tic tac toe? Too many X’s and O’s to kick around!
  26. Why don’t footballers wear glasses? They can’t handle the frames!
  27. Why don’t football players do ballet? Their toe shoots are too powerful!
  28. Why don’t footballers like to go bowling? They can’t handle the pins!
  29. Why don’t footballers like to play monopoly? They always lose their properties!
  30. Why did the footballer refuse to play Candy Crush? He didn’t want any sweet defeats!
  31. How do football players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans!
  32. What do you call a footballer who sings while playing? Pitch perfect.
  33. Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket.
  34. Why did the football player bring string to the game? Just in case he needed to tie the score.
  35. What’s a football player’s favorite part of a joke? The punch line-backer.
  36. Why can’t a football player’s phone play music? Because it can’t find the right ‘pitch’.
  37. Just heard a goalkeeper has been arrested. Apparently, he was caught between the sticks.
  38. My friend couldn’t pay his exorbitant football ticket bill. So he got a penalty.
  39. What’s a ghost’s favorite football position? Ghoulkeeper!
  40. Why do footballers do well in school? They always hit the books.
  41. What’s a football player’s favorite drink? Penal-tea.
  42. Why are football players so good at baking? Because they’re great at rolling the dough.
  43. Instead of grass, my team plays on cheese. We can’t handle any more grated goals.
  44. The footballer got arrested for stealing. He took the corner too quickly.
  45. Why do footballers avoid shadows? They hate being flagged offside.
  46. Why do footballers use Google so well? Because they always ‘header’ to the top results.
  47. What’s a footballer’s favorite hobby? Collecting matchbox cars.
  48. Why don’t footballers ever get sunstroke? They have plenty of shade from the goalposts.
  49. Why do football players go to the bakery? Because it’s all about the dough-ming defence.
  50. Are you a referee? Because every time I look at you, I see a perfect match.

Cute Football Puns

  1. What did the green say to the football? “You crack me up!”
  2. Why is Cinderella so bad at football? She always runs away from the ball.
  3. What do you call a footballer with a rubber toe? Roberto!
  4. Why do footballers enjoy playing on jewellery stores? They enjoy playing in the box.
  5. What is a striker’s favorite type of music? Goal rock.
  6. Why did the vampire hate playing football? He couldn’t stand the crosses.
  7. What do you call a defender who bakes? A roll-back.
  8. Why do dumplings make good footballers? They’re great at being stuffed.
  9. Why don’t footballers use markers? They don’t want to get caught off-side.
  10. How are footballers like pancakes? They both use a flip in their strategy.
  11. Sure, footballers are good at juggling, but can they handle a stapler without causing Off-ice?
  12. How do football players apologize? They give tackle-hugs.
  13. How did the football pitch end up as triangle? It got cornered.
  14. Why did the footballer always carry a map around? He didn’t want to get caught offside.
  15. What do footballers add to their tea? Free kicks!
  16. Why don’t footballers use public transport? They prefer to take corners.
  17. My experiences with football have taught me how to handle life’s curve-balls.
  18. If football didn’t exist, which sport would all the pun artists play? Punning.
  19. There’s a footballer that doubles as a magician. He’s great at slide tackles and disappearing acts!
  20. Why do football players dislike vegetables? Because they can’t handle the peas.
  21. Why don’t football players make good politicians? They can’t stand productive tackles.
  22. How do you praise a footballer? You call him a boot-yful player!
  23. Did you hear about the bakery football league? All rolls, no goals.
  24. Why do footballers prefer going to the desert? They love getting in the sandy area.
  25. How do astronomers and footballers relate? They both shoot for the stars.
  26. What is a footballer’s favorite tool? A ruler, because it has inches and feet.
  27. The goalkeeper was so good, the ball almost considered changing professions.
  28. I’m not a big fan of football jokes. But when I make them, they’re always pitch perfect.
  29. What do football players and carpenters have in common? They both know how to nail a strike.
  30. Why are coffins bad at football? They always get buried in the box!
  31. A football fan saw a UFO during a game. He called it an Unidentified Flying Offside.
  32. What’s a football team’s favorite kind of tea? Penal-tea!
  33. After a rough game, the football hopped over to the bar. It got kicked around all day and desired a shot.
  34. Heard about the footballer who does stand-up comedy? He always knows when to “kick” in the punch line.
  35. Why do footballers make terrible secret agents? They always spill the beans during the post-match interview!
  36. Do you know what the ball said to the footballer? “You’re two feet, yet you can’t stand me”.
  37. What do football teams do on Halloween? They move ghoulposts!
  38. Why did the footballer bring a ladder to the field? He wanted to reach new heights.
  39. Here’s about my friend who’s a secret agent and a footballer. He always loves to tackle problems and double agents.
  40. I run a shoe store for footballers. It’s filled with boot-iful designs.
  41. I told my friend to stop with the footballer puns. He said, “They’re keepers!”.
  42. Footballers and comedians share a lot—tackle-and-giggle, slide-and-slide, punch-and-kick line.
  43. How are these puns like a football match? They’re always kicked off with some laughs.
  44. I was a football player with a sweet tooth. In other words, diabetes on the pitch.
  45. Why don’t musicians make good footballers? Their instinct is to avoid the conductor.
  46. What do you call a footballer with high morale? A goal-hearted player!
  47. How do footballers and whistles relate? They’re all about the blow.
  48. What do you call a football player who claims to be good at everything? Goal-rounded.
  49. Tackling in football and life is the same. It’s easier if you see the fun-niness in adversity.
  50. What do you call a footballer who loves country music? Boot-scootin’ quarterback.

Clever Football Puns

  1. What do you get when you cross a football and a vampire bat? A fright wing!
  2. What do you call a footballer who can play piano? A pitch perfect player!
  3. Why was the footballer a successful salesperson? He knew how to deliver the pitch!
  4. How does a footballer express surprise? You’ve gotta be kicking me!
  5. What do you call a footballer with your dream job? A goal model.
  6. Why are footballers bad at playing cards? Because they keep trying to pass the deck.
  7. What do Thanksgiving and football have in common? They both involve stuffing!
  8. Why are football stadiums so cool? They have a lot of fans.
  9. What do football players wear to sleep? Their s-wet dreams.
  10. Why do football players love to visit the zoo? They get a kick out of the penguins.
  11. How do footballers measure success? With a yardstick.
  12. Why don’t footballers wear hats? They’re too good with the headgear.
  13. What’s a squad of comedic footballers called? The punch line up.
  14. Why did the salad make a poor footballer? It kept losing its lettuce on the pitch.
  15. Why did the footballer bring detergent to the game? To clean up the competition.
  16. How do footballers cut their pizza? They use their sharp shooting skills.
  17. What’s a conspiracy theorist’s favorite position in football? Right-Wing.
  18. Where do footballers go to get new uniforms? New Jersey!
  19. Why do footballers never get lost? Because they always follow the ball!
  20. My friend, the footballer, is a wine connoisseur. Now that’s a match made in heaven!
  21. When footballers want to relax they kick back.
  22. Heard about the footballer who played hide and seek? He was an expert at staying out of sight.
  23. Why did the footballer climb the tree? To get a bird’s eye view of the pitch.
  24. What’s a footballer’s favorite type of pasta? We call it pasta ball!
  25. What do football players and bankers have in common? They’re both good with their savings.
  26. Why do footballers always win at chess? They are experts at moving the bishop.
  27. What do footballers say on Valentine’s Day? We’re a match made in heaven!
  28. I asked a gardener how to play football. He said, “Plant your feet and let it grow.”
  29. Why do footballers love ice cream? Each scoop is a goal!
  30. How are footballers and fireflies alike? They light up the field!
  31. Did you hear about the ghost football team? They had a spooktacular defense.
  32. I asked my wife if she likes football, she said “Sure, I just can’t pass up a ball.”
  33. Why don’t football teams go to bakeries? Because they don’t want to get a bun in the goal.
  34. When I suggested we play football with a tea bag, my buddy said it was his cup of tea.
  35. Why did the football go to jail? Because it got caught in possession.
  36. Every day is a new goal for a footballer, just depends on how you kick it.
  37. I named my dogs Offside and Penalty, they never fail to fetch my alerts.
  38. Why don’t lions play football? They would prefer to play with their prey.
  39. A fortnight in a footballer’s life is just two weak weeks.
  40. When a clock saw a football match, it decided to hands-off timing and handle ticking instead.
  41. If a tomato played football, it would certainly catch off-side, ‘ketchup’ anyone?
  42. Heard about a tennis ball dating a football? It turned out to be a match made in the field.
  43. Football’s favorite music? It’s always pun kick rock!
  44. My computer tried to embark on football. Now it’s got Windows on Defense.
  45. Don’t argue with a goalkeeper, they always catch you off-guard.
  46. Football’s favourite party game? Kick the can.
  47. My football got an email, it’s all about a soccer-chain.
  48. Did you hear about the football-less game? It was a toss-up.
  49. Joked about a football match once, now I’ve got 11 defenders on me.
  50. Tried to joke with a football, but I just couldn’t get a kick out of it.

Dad Jokes And Puns Related to Football

  1. Why doesn’t a bicycle make a good footballer? Too much backpedaling.
  2. Did you hear bout the football team of eggs? They’re good at scrambling.
  3. Heard about a snowball in a football match? Chill got real.
  4. My friend joined a team of invisible footballers. He said he couldn’t see himself playing anywhere else.
  5. A football’s worst fear? Getting kicked out of the team.
  6. Tried writing a joke about football goalies… But I couldn’t get past their defenses.
  7. A footballer’s favourite country? It’s Ger‘many’ Goals.
  8. My friend is so dedicated to football, he REFUSES to pass on a good match.
  9. An introvert footballer rarely kicks it with the hang of friends.
  10. My spaghetti became a footballer, it mastered the art of noodle movement.
  11. Ever wondered why footballers don’t have tea? It’s because the tea might get mugged.
  12. My football diet was going great… until I tried to eat corners.
  13. Ever seen a hiking football? It’s hard to miss, always pitches the perfect camp.
  14. Someone asked me if I was a soccer ball. I replied, “Nah, just getting a-kick from life.”
  15. When the football went to the circus, it joined the jugglers, as it was used to being thrown around.
  16. My cat’s favorite football team? The wild-cats, obviously.
  17. Do footballers make good gardeners? Absolutely – they’re experts in the field!
  18. What do football and knitting have in common? They both involve a lot of passes and needles.
  19. Russian dolls make bad footballers. Too much self-passing.
  20. Wonder if solar systems play football? Because I’ve heard of a Solar Goal
  21. Did you hear about the fashionista footballer? They always dress to kick-ass.
  22. Why don’t cactuses play football? Because they’re always getting stuck in the field.
  23. When football first started, people were kicking around ideas and then decided to kick them literally.
  24. When my wife left me for a football player, I realized I should’ve put more goals in our relationship.
  25. Football referees don’t really have fans, just constant whistle-blowers.
  26. Never make a football referee your enemy; he’s got foul cards to deal with.
  27. Did you hear about the clumsiness of footballers? They keep falling into nets!
  28. My football team started practicing in a dairy. Now they know how to cheese their way to a goal.
  29. You know what a football’s favorite car is? The Volkswagen Goal!
  30. Heard the one about the rabbi that became a footballer? He could really spin a dreidel… and a ball!
  31. A football once told me, “Take life by the laces.”
  32. A chameleon joined my football team, now he’s always on the side-lines.
  33. When a mailman became a footballer, he always delivered on target.
  34. Did you hear about the football who became an actor? He wanted to kickstart his career.
  35. A football never graduates, it’s always in the field.
  36. A footballer’s favorite drink? The penalty shot!
  37. Do you know where footballers go to dance? The soccer ball!
  38. Got a number from a footballer, he said it’s the safest ‘keeper.’
  39. Moved my house to a football field. Couldn’t handle the offside-trap anymore.
  40. Wondered why the football was getting bigger? Then it hit me.
  41. Did you hear about the football team of vegetables? They’re always going peas to post.
  42. Football’s favorite season? Kick-Fall!
  43. My doughnut tried out football, it went round in circles.
  44. My football was under the weather. It was tired of getting the boot.
  45. Marshmallow footballs are soft, but they melt under the heat of the game.
  46. Pharaoh’s favorite football team? The Mummy United!
  47. Football isn’t just a game; it’s survival of the foot-est.
  48. A standup comedian played football, everyone was in stitches with his performance.
  49. Football’s favorite kitchen appliance? The blender, it loves a good mix-up.
  50. A joker playing football is a wild card.
  51. Footballers spend a lot of time in the net… so they’re basically fishermen in cleats.
  52. I’ve heard about a new football diet… they say it’s full of vegetables and scores of fruit.
  53. Pinocchio’s football career never took off, it was a wooden performance.
  54. My football sneezed – it had caught a cold cup of Goal!
  55. Why was the football match sending out invites? To RSVP: Real Soccer’s Victory Party.
  56. A philosopher became a footballer, now he’s seeking the goal of life.
  57. Ever seen a sandwich play football? It really knows how to spread the butter!
  58. Wondered why the ball was glowing at the football match? It had a lightbulb moment.
  59. My coffee became a football star, it knows the right grinding.
  60. Footballers don’t win races, but they’ve mastered the art of running clock.
  61. My chicken wanted to play football, but it failed to crack the shell.
  62. If you insult a soccer ball, it may take offence.
  63. Why are haunted football fields the coolest? They possess the most spirits.
  64. Don’t put a football in prison; they’re always in the courts.
  65. A soccer ball at the beach is a shore goal.
  66. My football was a critic; it always had a point to score.
  67. A caveman’s favorite football trick? The Stone Age kickback.
  68. Let your problems roll off you like rain on a football field – quick and refreshing.
  69. Never let the ball get in your head, it should be at your feet.
  70. Where do footballers go for a vacation? The Goal Coast.
  71. My turtle became a footballer. His best trick? The shell shot.
  72. Why do footballers make good waiters? They’re great at serving goals.
  73. In Japan, they play football in four seasons, now they’re good at off-season.
  74. Why wouldn’t the football team let the balloon play? It was always going to let them down.
  75. Ever heard the joke about the goalkeeper? Everyone saves their funniest lines for him.
  76. Batman tried out for my football team, but he only plays in the dark night.
  77. Who’s every football’s favorite standup comedian? Charlie Chap-kick.
  78. A sushi chef joined my football team, he’s a cut above the rest.
  79. Heard about the footballer who always stands alone? He’s in a league of his own.
  80. My football’s a baker now – it loves to roll and butter up.

In conclusion, football puns add an extra layer of enjoyment to the game day experience, whether you’re cheering from the stands or hosting a viewing party at home. With their clever wordplay and witty humor, these puns not only tickle the funny bone but also enhance the camaraderie among fans. Did you enjoy the article? If so, why not share the fun with your family and friends? Spread the laughter and keep the spirit of the game alive by sharing these football puns with your loved ones. After all, sharing laughter is the true essence of being a fan.

Hey, I am Chetan Kumar owner of Punss.com. I made this site to add humor to your life. I love to laugh and I am pretty sure you do too. So let's share some jokes, puns and funny nicknames. Let's make each second joyful.

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