300 Funny Hockey Puns, Jokes And One-Liners

Are you searching for some funny hockey puns? If yes then below we have listed some of the funniest puns about hockey sports.

Ladies and gentlemen, put on your ice skates, grab your hockey sticks, prepare to laugh so hard you’ll score the perfect hat-trick! I’ve curated the finest collection of hockey puns to ever lace up and hit the ice. These puns are net-busters, with a velocity that would put a slapshot to shame. You thought hockey was solely about puck control and speed?! Well, buckle up, because these puns are ready to break the ice and get you rolling in the aisles. Trust me, every line here is not just a shot on goal, but a total game-changer! Get ready to laugh your pucks off!

Funny Hockey Puns

Hockey Puns
  1. Why don’t hockey players go camping? Because they can’t stand the high pitches!
  2. Why do hockey players always carry a map? Because they hate getting caught icing!
  3. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of music? Hip-check Hop!
  4. How does a hockey player ask someone to leave? “Puck off!”
  5. I once knew a hockey player who swallowed a puck. From that day, he never let out something that didn’t have good scoring potential!
  6. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of vegetable? Zambonions!
  7. When I asked my hockey-playing friend why his room was messy, he said, “I’m used to throwing things around!”
  8. Why do hockey players never sweat? They have too many fans!
  9. Why did the hockey team go to the bakery? Because they needed a good “roll” model!
  10. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of tea? Penal-tea!
  11. What dance do all hockey players excel at? The “slap shot-slide!”
  12. Why don’t hockey players ever catch colds? They always keep their gloves on!
  13. What’s a hockey player’s favorite part of a joke? The “punch” line!
  14. How do hockey players stay cool? By chillin’ in the penalty box!
  15. What’s a hockey player’s favorite cereal? Puck Loops!
  16. Why did the hockey player get promoted? Because he’s great at net-working!
  17. Why do hockey players make great detectives? They always follow the puck!
  18. What’s an unhappy hockey player’s favorite band? The Rolling Pucks!
  19. What’s the difference between a hockey player and a magician? One does hat tricks, the other does tricks with a hat!
  20. How does a hockey player complain about bad weather? “This isn’t ice!”
  21. What does a hockey player do when he loses his car? He checks the last place he stick it!
  22. Why did the hockey puck go to school? To get a little more “round” education!
  23. Why are hockey players banned from gardening? They always strip the gloves off before the fight!
  24. What do you call a hockey player with a sunny disposition? A slap shot delight!
  25. What’s a hockey player’s go-to eating utensil? A fork check!
  26. Why are hockey players adventurous? They aren’t afraid of going into the corners!
  27. How does a hockey player communicate? By puck-sign language!
  28. Why do hockey players never play chess? The pawns remind them too much of pucks!
  29. What do you call a hockey goalie who only tells jokes while on the ice? A stand-up net minder!
  30. Why’d the hockey player bring string to the game? Just in case he needed to tie the score!
  31. Why do hockey players stay away from the internet? Too much typing could put them on the disabled list!
  32. Why don’t hockey players like to play hide and seek? They are afraid of being in the sin bin for too long!
  33. What’s a hockey player’s favorite topping for toast? Puckleberry jam!
  34. Why did the hockey player always carry a pencil behind his ear? To draw some penalties!
  35. What’s a hockey player’s favorite place to hang out? The bar… down!
  36. Why do hockey players always carry blotters? They’re good at soaking up the pressure!
  37. Why do hockey players love geometry? Because every game is full of acute angles!
  38. What’s a hockey player’s best asset? His ice-olated thinking!
  39. How do hockey players like their coffee? Black and strong enough to knock them into the boards!
  40. What do you call a hockey player who uses dirty strategies? A puck-en-heimer!
  41. Why do hockey players love sunsets? They’re all about those gold(en goal) hues!
  42. What’s a hockey player’s mantra? Puck, slide, and glide!
  43. How do hockey players get their news? They read the ‘ice-paper’!
  44. Why do hockey players make great architects? They really understand blue lines!
  45. What’s a hockey player’s favorite fruit? The puck-leberry!
  46. Why do hockey players make great friends? They always stick together!
  47. Why are hockey rinks rectangular? Because if it were a square, the puck would stay stuck in the corner!
  48. What does a hockey goalie say during a pillow fight? “No soft goals!”
  49. How do hockey players avoid punishment? They always clear their own zones!
  50. Deep down, every hockey player is a poet. All they rhyme is “goal,” “pole,” and puck’s “hole”!
  51. Why do hockey players prefer donuts? They like anything with a hole in the center!
  52. Which city does a hockey player like the least? Fumble-don!
  53. How does a hockey player like his pizza? Tossed up high and sauced!
  54. How do you know if a hockey player is well educated? They have a degree in icing!
  55. Why don’t hockey players ever run out of bread? Their bakery is always on a roll!
  56. Why did the hockey player get arrested? He was caught boarding!
  57. Don’t play hide-and-seek with a hockey player, they always have their goals set!
  58. Why are hockey players bad at debating? They can’t resist a good check!
  59. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of pasta? Penne-lty!
  60. Why do hockey players enjoy magic shows? They love the disappearing puck trick!
  61. Why do hockey players prefer band concerts? They want to see the conductor “stick” it to the musicians!
  62. Why was the hockey player a bad business tycoon? He always missed his targets!
  63. What’s a hockey player’s favorite era? The Ice Age!
  64. Why don’t hockey players believe in weather forecast? They can’t accept that ice can turn into water!
  65. In case of an emergency, always ask a hockey player. They always keep their goals clear!
  66. Why are hockey players good at baking? They’re not afraid of rolling the dough into round pucks!
  67. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of chips? Icing sugar coated puck-tatoes!
  68. How do hockey players like their steak? On ice with a slap shot of sauce!
  69. What’s a hockey player’s version of a fairytale ending? They lived slap-happily ever after!
  70. Why do hockey players love the morning? Because they love to break the ice!
  71. How did the hockey player break his coffee habit? He switched to tea-ing off!
  72. Why are hockey players not allowed in the library? Because there’s no checking allowed!
  73. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of kite? The power-play type!
  74. How does a hockey player express his feelings? He handles them puck-tually!
  75. Why don’t hockey players make good waiters? They’re too good at dropping the puck!
  76. When a hockey player gives you lip, just remind them their job is to lift the puck, not their voice!
  77. Why are hockey players bad at math? They think a hat trick is one plus one!
  78. How does a hockey player let off steam? He blows hot air into his gloves!
  79. What does a hockey player do on a bad day? He laces up the boots and gets back to the game!
  80. Why did the hockey player join the circus? He wanted to be part of a three-ring circus – just like in his own game!
  81. Where does a hockey player keep his money? In a checkings account!
  82. How does a hockey player stop a fight? With a time-out!
  83. Why don’t hockey players ever tell secrets? They can’t stop their lips from puckering!
  84. Old hockey players never die, they just get less teeth and slower slap shots!
  85. Why do hockey players always lose at cards? Too many checks!
  86. Why did the hockey player keep his trophy in the freezer? He wanted to keep his success on ice!
  87. Why are hockey players such good storytellers? They can always spin a good yarn about their last game!
  88. How did the hockey player find his missing dog? He checked behind the net!
  89. What’s a hockey player’s favorite bedtime story? The one where the underdog wins the Stanley Cup!
  90. Why was the hockey player a terrible musician? He always broke the ice before his solo!
  91. I knew a hockey player who was also a farmer. He was great at hat-tricks, but poor at crop rotation!
  92. How does a hockey player propose? With an icing on the ring!
  93. Why are hockey players like wishbones? They’re always hoping for a break!
  94. Why are sweaty hockey gloves like bad puns? They’re both hard to handle!
  95. What’s a hockey player’s favorite board game? Ice-olation!
  96. What do you call a hockey player at a job fair? Unchecked potential!
  97. Why won’t hockey players ever win the lottery? They always miss the net gain!
  98. What type of smartphone does a hockey player use? An iCheck!
  99. Why are hockey players bad at cooking? They always put too much ice in their dishes!
  100. Why is waking up in the morning like a hockey game? Because you’ve got to get the puck out of there!

Best Puns About Hockey

  1. I tried to become a goalie, but I just couldn’t save face.
  2. Did you hear about the hockey player who was addicted to brake fluid? He said he could stop anytime.
  3. Why was the hockey arena so cold? Because of all the fans!
  4. What do you call a bear with no teeth at a hockey game? A gummy bear!
  5. The hockey team’s Zamboni broke down, but they managed to clean the ice with some clever stickhandling.
  6. I told my friend I could make a hockey stick out of spaghetti. He didn’t believe me until I showed him how I could al dente.
  7. Why did the hockey player get arrested? Because he was caught icing the competition!
  8. Did you hear about the hockey player who won the lottery? He said it was just ice in the bank.
  9. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard the pucks were going over the boards!
  10. The hockey player wasn’t great at math, but he was good at scoring goals. He said he preferred calculus to division.
  11. Why don’t hockey players ever get lost? Because they always know where the net is.
  12. I asked the hockey player how he got to the game so fast. He said he took the ice road.
  13. What did the hockey puck say to the goalie? “I’m coming at you with some serious slapstick!”
  14. I tried to join the hockey team, but they said I wasn’t cool enough. I guess I just didn’t make the cut.
  15. Why did the hockey player bring a pencil to the game? In case he needed to draw a penalty!
  16. Did you hear about the hockey player who was also a musician? He played the slap shot.
  17. Why did the hockey player go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw penalties.
  18. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to hear a joke about a puck. He said, “Sure, but keep it clean.”
  19. What do you call a hockey player who can’t stop sneezing? An allergy forward.
  20. I told the hockey player he should get a job as a baker. He said he’d rather stick to icing.
  21. Why did the hockey player bring a map to the game? Because he heard it was a road game.
  22. Did you hear about the hockey player who was also a chef? He always knew how to sauté the competition.
  23. Why did the hockey player bring a ruler to the game? To measure the ice time!
  24. The hockey player was so good at defense, he could stop a puck with his shadow.
  25. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to go out for sushi. He said he’d rather stick to slapshots.
  26. Why did the hockey player bring a mirror to the game? Because he wanted to practice his reflection!
  27. Did you hear about the hockey player who became a comedian? He said he had a great sense of slapstick.
  28. Why did the hockey player bring a dictionary to the game? To look up the meaning of “icing”!
  29. The hockey player was so tall, he had to duck to avoid the crossbar.
  30. I tried to play hockey with a broken stick, but it was pointless.
  31. Why did the hockey player bring a shovel to the game? In case he needed to dig himself out of a hole!
  32. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a bakery? He made a killing with his slap shots.
  33. Why did the hockey player bring a deck of cards to the game? In case he needed to deal with the competition!
  34. The hockey player was so fast, he could skate circles around the competition.
  35. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to hear a joke about the penalty box. He said, “I’ll pass.”
  36. Why did the hockey player bring a flashlight to the game? Because he heard it was a power play!
  37. Did you hear about the hockey player who became a magician? He said he could make the puck disappear.
  38. Why did the hockey player bring a camera to the game? Because he wanted to capture the moment!
  39. The hockey player was so good at passing, he could thread the needle with a puck.
  40. I tried to play hockey with a broken heart, but it just wasn’t the same without the passion.
  41. Why did the hockey player bring a pillow to the game? In case he needed to catch some Z’s on the bench!
  42. Did you hear about the hockey player who became a chef? He said he could whip up a mean slapshot.
  43. Why did the hockey player bring a telescope to the game? To keep an eye on the competition!
  44. The hockey player was so strong, he could check his email with one hand.
  45. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to hear a joke about the ice. He said, “I’m all ears.”
  46. Why did the hockey player bring a hammer to the game? In case he needed to nail down a win!
  47. Did you hear about the hockey player who became a poet? He said he had a way with pucketry.
  48. Why did the hockey player bring a suitcase to the game? Because he heard it was a long road trip!
  49. The hockey player was so focused, he could shoot lasers with his eyes.
  50. I tried to play hockey with a broken skate, but it just didn’t have any edge.
  51. Why did the hockey player bring a wrench to the game? In case he needed to tighten up the defense!
  52. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a pet store? He said he had a knack for handling penguins.
  53. Why did the hockey player bring a broom to the game? In case he needed to sweep the competition!
  54. The hockey player was so quick, he could steal a puck from a ghost.
  55. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to hear a joke about the blue line. He said, “I’m on thin ice.”
  56. Why did the hockey player bring a magnet to the game? In case he needed to attract some wins!
  57. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a flower shop? He said he had a bouquet of slapshots.
  58. Why did the hockey player bring a hammer to the game? Because he heard it was a nail-biter!
  59. The hockey player was so agile, he could pirouette on the ice.
  60. I tried to play hockey with a broken helmet, but I just couldn’t keep my head in the game.
  61. Why did the hockey player bring a plunger to the game? In case he needed to unclog the defense!
  62. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a barbershop? He said he could give a mean cut.
  63. Why did the hockey player bring a compass to the game? To stay on course for the win!
  64. The hockey player was so sneaky, he could steal candy from a penalty box.
  65. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to hear a joke about the goalpost. He said, “I’m all ears.”
  66. Why did the hockey player bring a saw to the game? In case he needed to cut through the competition!
  67. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a shoe store? He said he had a great pair of skates.
  68. The hockey player was so determined, he could win a faceoff with his eyes closed.
  69. I tried to play hockey with a broken net, but it just couldn’t hold my dreams.
  70. Why did the hockey player bring a level to the game? To keep the playing field fair and square!
  71. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a garden center? He said he had a green thumb for slapshots.
  72. The hockey player was so focused, he could block out the noise with just a stare.
  73. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to hear a joke about the referee. He said, “I’ll pass.”
  74. Why did the hockey player bring a parachute to the game? In case he needed to bail out of a tough situation!
  75. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a bookstore? He said he had a shelf full of slapshots.
  76. Why did the hockey player bring a sponge to the game? To clean up the competition!
  77. The hockey player was so smooth, he could glide across the ice like butter.
  78. I tried to play hockey with a broken whistle, but I just couldn’t keep the game under control.
  79. Why did the hockey player bring a map to the game? To navigate his way to victory!
  80. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a music store? He said he had a symphony of slapshots.
  81. The hockey player was so skilled, he could juggle pucks with his stick.
  82. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to hear a joke about the penalty box. He said, “I’m serving time.”
  83. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a toy store? He said he had a box full of slapshots.
  84. The hockey player was so determined, he could score with his eyes closed.
  85. I tried to play hockey with a broken net, but it just couldn’t contain my dreams.
  86. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a jewelry store? He said he had a ring of slapshots.
  87. The hockey player was so focused, he could block out distractions with just a glance.
  88. I asked the hockey player if he wanted to hear a joke about the referee. He said, “I’ll take a pass.”
  89. Did you hear about the hockey player who opened a candy store? He said he had a box of slapshots.
  90. The hockey player was so smooth, he could skate circles around the competition.
  91. Why don’t hockey players go camping? They can’t stand the thought of any more tent-sion!
  92. Why was the hockey game so heated? Because it was full of checks!
  93. Do you know why hockey players never sweat? Because they have too many fans!
  94. Why did the hockey player go to jail? Because he couldn’t stay out of the box!
  95. Do you know about the hockey player who was always procrastinating? He was always icing the puck!
  96. Did you hear about the secretive hockey player? He kept everything on the down low—especially his slapshots!
  97. The hockey player refused to play cards. He was afraid of the shuffle.
  98. Why did the hockey player meditate before every game? He believed in achieving zenalty!
  99. If hockey was easy, they would call it soccer! Sorry, I can’t help doing a bit of puck-ing around!
  100. I asked the hockey player for a coffee, he said, “I only know how to break-ice.”

Cute Hockey Puns

  1. Why are hockey players great vegetarians? They always avoid the meats!
  2. The hockey player broke up with his girlfriend because she was always dropping the puck!
  3. When hockey players order a pie, they always go for the “top shelf.”
  4. Why are hockey players lousy at hide and seek? You can always find them in the net!
  5. I asked my hockey player friend what his ideal pet would be. He said a penguin, of course!
  6. Hockey: where men aren’t afraid to use their figures… skating!
  7. Don’t fall in love with a hockey player. The relationship will always be on thin ice.
  8. Why can’t hockey players do ballet? Their performance always ends up in the penalty box!
  9. Why do hockey players refuse to do yoga? They hate anything to do with pucking ‘n’ posing!
  10. Why did the hockey player go to a bakery? He heard they knead dough before they score.
  11. Why do hockey players always carry pencils? They know the importance of a good draw!
  12. Which is the most popular haircut among hockey players? The mullet, for when the helmet comes off!
  13. Why are hockey players great at parties? They always bring the ice!
  14. Why do hockey players love donuts? Because it’s the only time they get to dunk in a ring!
  15. What’s a hockey player’s favorite time of day? Face-off o’clock!
  16. The hockey player was also a gardener. He was fantastic at planting one in the net!
  17. Why are hockey players terrible at golf? They always want to slap the balls!
  18. The new hockey player moved so slowly, they nicknamed him ‘glacial.’
  19. Why don’t hockey players make good bakers? They’re too good at icing!
  20. The hockey player showed up at the poker party but refused to deal. He had enough of handling cards on the ice!
  21. Why do some hockey players make great farmers? They’re excellent at planting seeds in the net!
  22. A hockey player’s favorite math equation? Puck + Net = Goal!
  23. Never argue with a hockey player. They always have sharp retorts – just like their skates!
  24. What did the depressed hockey puck say? “I’m feeling really down because everyone’s always slapping me around.”
  25. Hockey Goalies: The only ones who can say they saved the day 30 times in one night!
  26. Why did the hockey puck break up with its boyfriend? “He always takes me for granted and just slaps me away!”
  27. Why do hockey players love picnics? They can chill out without the ice!
  28. What do you call a hockey player who only scores at night? A Dark Knight Rises fan!
  29. Why did the goalie become a baker? He was tired of blocking rolls and wanted to roll blocks!
  30. Hockey players don’t need dating apps. They always break the ice on their own!
  31. What’s a hockey player’s secret ingredient for winter soup? Puck-kin!
  32. Why do hockey players never play in the jungle? They can’t bear the thought of a face-off with a real bear!
  33. Why are hockey players bad at relationships? They always try to score too soon!
  34. Hockey: where having a breakaway is a good thing!
  35. What advice does a hockey player give to a stock market investor? Always keep your goals high!
  36. What does a romantic hockey player say? “I’d love to hold your hand like I am holding this puck.”
  37. Why did the hockey players start a gardening company? They were used to working in tight spaces and corners!
  38. Why are hockey players the worst chefs? They keep putting the utensil in the corner instead of the drawer!
  39. What do you call a romantic hockey player? A puck Casanova!
  40. What’s a hockey player’s favorite dance move? The puck ‘n roll!
  41. A hockey player’s relationship status? In love with the ice, it’s the only thing they slide on!
  42. How do you compliment a hockey player? “You go straight for the goal, and that’s what I love about you!”
  43. Why did the hockey players join a band? They played excellent in a power play!
  44. Why did the goalie make a good detective? He never let anything pass him!
  45. What do you call a hockey player who doesn’t fight? A true gentleman with gloves!
  46. Why don’t hockey players need smartphones? They enjoy being disconnected and missing calls!
  47. Why did the hockey player refuse to swim? He said, “I only skate on water!”
  48. What do you call an ice hockey player without any teeth? A box full of goals!
  49. Recession hit the hockey team: they can’t even afford a decent puck now!
  50. How are hockey games like the wild west? The players in both get penalized for hooking!
  51. A bird visited a hockey match and said, “I like your sticks. Pity they’re so big or I’d use one for my nest.”
  52. Why are hockey players bad at hide and seek? Because they always leave their marks on ice!
  53. What’s a hockey player’s favorite drink? Puck-accino!
  54. Hockey player’s motivational quote: “Keep your friends close, but your goalie closer!”
  55. Why did the hockey player turn down the dinner party? He was fed up with missing the net!
  56. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of music? Anything that gets them into the rhythm of stick handling!
  57. What did the hockey player do with his winnings? He went on a power-play-cation!
  58. Why was the hockey player a lousy golfer? He always wanted to freeze the green!
  59. Hockey: where you don’t need a license to drive someone into the boards!
  60. Did you hear about the hockey player who accidentally ate his puck? He choked it up as a loss!
  61. What’s a hockey player’s biggest pet peeve? Being told they’re skating on thin ice!
  62. Why are hockey players great magicians? They can make a puck disappear – and then suddenly reappear in the goal!
  63. What’s a hockey player’s favorite restaurant? Puck-er Barrel!
  64. Do you know why hockey players don’t juggle? One puck is enough for them!
  65. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of baked pie? Upper-crust!
  66. Why did the hockey player take up cooking? He wanted to simmer down!
  67. What’s the difference between a hockey game and a boxing match? In a hockey game, fights are a sideline!
  68. Did you hear about the awkward hockey player? He was such a stickler!
  69. I told the hockey player a joke about the puck. He stick-handled it pretty well!
  70. Don’t ever trust a goalie… they’re known to glove everything you say!
  71. Why don’t hockey players play chess? Sliding on ice is easier than sliding a bishop!
  72. How does a hockey player say goodbye? “Puck you later!”
  73. Why don’t hockey players drink hot beverages? They don’t want to melt the ice in their belly!
  74. What happens when a hockey player takes up painting? He paints everyone into corners!
  75. Why are hockey players good comedians? They slapstick like a pro!
  76. What do hockey players and detectives have in common? They both follow their shots!
  77. What’s the problem with playing poker with a goalie? They always have a good hand!
  78. Why don’t hockey players do karate? Because a high-sticking penalty is not acceptable there!
  79. Why are hockey players challenging to date? They always try to check you into the boards!
  80. Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? He wanted to tie the game up!
  81. Why are hockey players bad at poetry? They always stick to the lines!
  82. What do you call an ice-cold hockey joke? Puck-er face!
  83. Why do hockey players make terrible fishermen? They keep trying to smash the ice!
  84. How does a hockey player keep his pants up? With a good defenseman’s belt!
  85. Why are hockey players bad at drawing? They always draw against the boards!
  86. What’s the difference between a flying puck and a flying bird? At least the bird doesn’t get you a penalty!
  87. Why did the hockey player break up with his girlfriend? She was too high-sticking!
  88. I dated a hockey player once. He used to say I was his goal in life!
  89. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of party? A slapshot party!
  90. Why don’t hockey players use emoji? They’re accustomed to face-offs instead of faces!

In the exhilarating world of hockey, we have relished our time whimsically weaving through the captivating ice-scape of puns. With each quip and quirky commentary, we have no doubt brightened our routines, sparked joy, and induced hearty laughter. To all our readers – have you enjoyed slapping away this puck of humor? If so, exhale merriment into your family and friends’ lives by sharing this article. Our heartfelt gratitude for your time, enthusiasm, and apparent love for the game. After all, in the frosty rink of life, it’s the warm camaraderie we share that truly lights it up!

Hey, I am Chetan Kumar owner of Punss.com. I made this site to add humor to your life. I love to laugh and I am pretty sure you do too. So let's share some jokes, puns and funny nicknames. Let's make each second joyful.

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